I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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