I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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