you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
