He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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