I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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