And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
