oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
