I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
