one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
