I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
