I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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