Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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