i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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