the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
