I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
