problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
