Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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