We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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