I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize