you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
