Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
