yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
