Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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