there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
