tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
