Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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