so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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