he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
