Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
