Swine flu. Run for my life!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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