We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize