He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
