I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
