Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
