i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
