Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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