I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
