Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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