in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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