so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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