so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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