How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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