is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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