So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
