I'm eating all of the evidence.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
