why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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