My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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