I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
