I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
