I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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