I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
