I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
