i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
