I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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