That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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