I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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