I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
