i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm passing your future prison.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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