Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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