Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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