I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
