our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize