She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
