all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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