lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
