if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
