when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
