I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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