I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
