Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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