she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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