he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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