If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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