At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize