I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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