I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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