elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
