Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
