I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
