That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
