her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
