And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
